recipe: trailer trash guac

Happy Cinco de Mayo!! Here’s a guac recipe — RECIPE AT THE TOP ALWAYS.

Ingredients:

• 2 or more avocados
• salsa (of any kind/brand)

1. peel and pit your avos and put them in a bowl
2. as you mash them, add in salsa until you have desired consistency and taste (for 2 avos, I would say at least a half cup of salsa but just taste it as you go)
3. EAT IT. In a spoon. On a chip. Lick the bowl. Double dip. Who cares???

That’s it! No salt, no lemon, no nothing. Sometimes I do make guac with salt, lemon, blah blah blah, but it’s when I make it the trailer-trash-way that I get the most people asking for the “recipe”.

Now, here’s your long-ass story that goes with the recipe (but mercifully it is AFTER the recipe, as it should always always ALWAYS be — tell your friends):

Once upon a time, I was a really picky eater (ages birth through 21, roughly):

• my dad paid me $2 (big money back then) to eat an olive. I couldn’t do it.
• my school lunch sandwiches were either butter or Nutella or Nutella with butter
• when my doctor would ask me what vegetables I ate, I told him potatoes and corn (I was not wrong).
• I hated honey.
• I once ate 3/4s or a raisin muffin, thinking it was chocolate chip, and refused to finish the last 1/4 when I found out it was raisin
• I threw up after my mom made me eat salad (I can’t quite remember, but I think I did this out of spite).
• I didn’t even know what avocados were, but I was sure I didn’t like them (it thrills me to think about how many babies I know now eating avocados on the reg).

Fast-forward to me at about 21-and-a-half-years-old. I was at a work-friends-barbecue and there was guacamole there. I didn’t know what guacamole was. I didn’t know it was avocados (I was a bad millennial in my early 20s) so I ate some. And I. Became. Obsessed.

I asked my work-wife, Kelly O’Rourke, (who had made the guac) what the heck was in there?? She told me avocados and salsa (specifically that organic fresh salsa that you can buy at Costco — but any kind will do). I asked her for quantities and her response was, “Idunno, you kind of just feel it out.”

My previously OCD self had a really hard time with that answer and I asked her several more times but she never gave me quantities (betch) so I had to try it as she said and guess what? IT WORKED.

I have every faith that you can feel this one out and that you will love it and that you will have the guaciest Cinco de Mayo ever.